


I have died every day waiting for you

by Blue_Daisies_In_The_Shadows



Series: Thousand years and a thousand more [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Hurt Tony Stark, Loki Angst, Loki Feels, Loki Has Issues, Loki Needs a Hug, M/M, Odin is a dick, Odin still sucks, Rhodey Is a Good Bro, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Tony Feels, Tony Has Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-18
Packaged: 2018-05-24 09:31:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6149119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Daisies_In_The_Shadows/pseuds/Blue_Daisies_In_The_Shadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SEQUEL.  Tony grows up with the strangest soulmate words.  Loki tries to protect his soulmate in probably some of the worst ways he could.  Then they finally meet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tony Stark breaks all the rules just by existing

**Author's Note:**

> So, read the first one first. You're gonna be a bit lost if you don't. Also this is Tony's POV and the next chapter will be in Loki's POV in the same time period. The next work in this series will be what happens after they meet. Also no beta, so let me know if you see any mistakes.

Tony grew up with the strangest words possible written across his heart. His parents had always made sure they were covered, even more so than most famous people. When Tony was young he hadn’t understood what was wrong with his words.

Eventually he realized what was so concerning.

It’s been so long, but I finally found you again, my Anthony.

How had he met his soulmate if those were the first words he heard that person speak? It was a paradox, which just proved to Tony that he couldn’t do anything normally.

Tony’s parents died when he was barley graduating college, which was years earlier than normal. Obie got him wasted, yet even then he never spoke of his words.

After that only Tony knew what was written across his skin. He’d never tell Obie, not because he didn’t trust him, but because he didn’t what Obie to look at him like Howard always had.

Like he was a freak.

Eventually he told Rhodey. He was twenty-one, had just taken over the company and was drinking with his best friend. Rhodey had laughed when he told him. He’d said that maybe Tony’s soulmate was psychic. Rhodey thought that Tony’s paradox fit him.

Tony never regretted telling him.

Then Tony met Pepper. She was bright and kind, but didn’t have his words. He thought they might be able to have a relationship, but he quickly realized that he’d never be able to do that. Tony may sleep around and flirt with anyone that breathed (and was over eighteen, he did have some standards), but he’d never been in a relationship. The thought of trying to love someone other than his soulmate felt wrong. It literally made him sick, which was of course another strange thing. People had relationships outside of their soulmates all the time. Yet Tony couldn’t bring himself to. So he went with the playboy title and stayed away from commitment.

Pepper was far better as a friend anyway. She was one of the only people alive or dead that had ever been able to handle him. When he’d first hired her as his personal assistant the first attempt at flirting had gotten him a slap to the face. He’d never gotten that before and rather liked it. Not the actual slap, because that had fucking hurt, but that she had no problem standing up to him. Tony hated people being afraid of him, just because of his money and company.

So, yes. He had two good friends now. Rhodey was still the only one who knew what his words were though, he’d never been able to tell Pepper. He didn’t think she’d judge him, but he didn’t want to risk what they had.

So when Tony was in Afghanistan only two living people knew what his words said and he was one of them.

That changed there. The shrapnel was heading for his heart and the arc reactor that he made was over his heart. The hole was over his heart. Tony’s words should have been gone after that, destroyed from such a terrible injury.

Words had been seen to come back after injuries but if the body part they were over was removed they’d never come back. Until Tony that is.

Once again he was the odd one out as his words slowly rewrote themselves around his arc reactor. The process was strange, almost like someone was slowly connecting them. He could feel his soulmate’s emotions while the words reformed. From their reactions his soulmate could feel his as well.

Tony’s soulmate constantly sent feelings of comfort, love and devotion. Tony could tell that his soulmate loved him. Being soulmates didn’t automatically mean love. It wasn’t instantaneous. Yet he knew that the love he felt was very real.

He could tell whatever his soulmate was doing to give him his words back was not painless for him. Tony tried to tell him that it was alright, to send that comfort back, but his soulmate never let up until the words were clearly there again.

Tony fell in love a little with this person that he’d never met. In a way his soulmate was always there with him in that cave. He silently cheered him on and gave him the strength to escape. His soulmate stayed connected to him until Rhodey had him in his arms. Only then did his soulmate slowly pull away with a silent promise of returning.

Tony came back a changed person.

He shut down the weapons branches of his company, built a better suit. He avenged Yinsen, who never said anything about Tony’s words even though he must have seen them when he saved his life. He was very grateful for him for that.

So, Tony became Iron Man. He ended up killing one of his only friends. Obie had betrayed him and that screwed his trust over for a long time.

He still told Rhodey what happened to his words. Rhodey is the only person he could talk to now. He might talk to Pepper eventually, but right now he could only confide in his oldest friend. So, there were still only two people that knew Tony’s words.

Then he was dying. How the fuck was it his life that the thing keeping him alive was also killing him? There must be someone out there that really hated him.

As he got worse though his soulmate slowly came back to him. He could feel his emotions again. He didn’t tell Rhodey this time. He let his friend take the suit though. It was the least he could do for all the man had done for him.

His soulmate was voicing his concern and love all the time. Tony could tell that his soulmate was angry though. His soulmate was livid at someone. And they were desperate.

Tony tried to comfort them back, to tell them that it was okay. His soulmate sent back exasperation and deep fondness. Tony tried to save himself.

Then Fury showed up and he found a new element. He saved his life and his soulmate was overjoyed. Tony beat Hammer and all his stupid creatures and Rhodey had his back again. It was good to have his friend back. He was back home with Pepper and Rhodey celebrating their victory in a very quiet way, not wanting a repeat of his birthday, when it happened.

It felt like someone had taken a pickax to his head. Tony hit the ground immediately and felt the world spin as he gasped for breath through the pain.

Rhodey and Pepper were at his side, shouting something, but Tony ignored them. He lifted his shirt up to see the source of the pain, right over his heart.

The arc reactor was fine. His words were not.

They were broken, fragmented and unreadable. Tony stared down in horror at the familiar words so twisted now. He reached out to his soulmate only to realize that their connection had disappeared again.  
The pain slowly faded and Tony could understand his friends.

He begged them to tell him what had happened, what was wrong. Neither knew.

Tony looked it up and found only three other recorded cases of words shattering like his. The first cases was when a women’s soulmate had been in an accident, braindead, but their family opted to keep them alive. They were rich enough to, but eventually they let him go and the women’s words disappeared. The second case was basically the same thing again. The third was about a man’s soulmate that had seen something so traumatizing that they had a mental break. They ceased to be there mentally, but were still there physically.

No one from any of the cases recovered. All of their soulmates lost their words before they ever met.

Tony refused to be case number four. He would find his soulmate and he would save them. He was Tony fucking Stark and he could break this pattern just like every other.

Then Phil was in his house and apparently an actual god had stolen a relic from Tony’s father’s past. Great. He didn’t have time for this, but he looked at Pepper and knew he couldn’t let people die just because he was fruitlessly searching for a ghost.

He captured Loki, whom looked half-crazed, and fought with Thor. Tony never said a word to Loki and Loki never said a word to him.

His blue eyes reminded Tony of something though and he made a note to look into it.

He met Captain America and Bruce Banner. He really liked one of them. He thought they could be friends. He offered him a lab and did his best to get the other scientist to move in.

Then the Hulk was loose, the ship was crashing and Phil died. That had hurt. Tony may not have trusted the agent, but he trusted few anyways so that wasn’t anything new. He had liked him though.  
They got Hawkeye back. Tony wasn’t overly impressed.

Then he realized where Loki would be and he was off to his tower. He still felt like he was missing something about the god.

He figured it out when they had their brief conversation before he went out the window.

Loki was being controlled.

He ignored how familiar the god’s touch had felt.

Tony told the others, used the eye color as proof and when Thor got there met him when all was said and done he confirmed it.

First Tony almost died again, and for the first time ever he didn’t feel his soulmate. That more than anything terrified him. The lack of feeling when he fought off the army made him think it was too late. So he hadn’t had a problem flying up there. Then he landed and woke up to the Hulk roaring.

And he could feel it. His soulmate.

FEAR!!!!

CONFUSION!!!

DESPERATION!!!

COLD!!!!

SAVE ME!!!!

Tony gasped at the feelings, clutching his head as the terror rolled through him.

He knew his words were mending. Slowly. He could feel the burning feeling over his heart, but it was overwhelmed by the intensity of his soulmate’s emotions. 

Thor picked him up, put him back on his feet and was the only one that realized what was happening. Apparently mental links with were not uncommon with magic wielders back at his planet.  
Then Thor asked what his words were like he was already expecting what Tony was going to say. Tony only said they were a paradox.

Thor insisted they all go see his brother.

Loki was collapsed on the steps in the tower, looking confused and scared.

Then he turned and looked at them. At Tony. 

“It’s been so long, but I finally found you again, my Anthony.” He whispered with tears running down his face.

Tony didn’t even think of his reply before words were coming out of his mouth.

“It’s been awhile, my prince.”


	2. Loki can’t ever seem to be normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's view. Why he fell and why he attacked Earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the other half! I will write a continuation to this with Anthony and Loki reuniting, what happens to Loki because of his actions and how the Avengers react to Tony's last life and his soulmate. It might not be for a bit as I'm focusing on other stories now, but I wanted to at least get the other half of this up. As usual, not beta read so please let me know if there's any mistakes! Thanks and enjoy:)

Loki had been getting better after the incident. He’d slowly been recovering, mainly thanks to Thor. When the words reappeared Loki was thrilled and terrified all at once. Loki loved Anthony, losing him once had nearly destroyed him. 

He’d felt his soulmate for a time. Loki had locked himself away and cared for his soulmate from afar. Loki didn’t know what had happened to his Anthony, but he sent as much comfort as he could and mended the words that had been taken from his Soulmate. Loki was exhausted and in pain by the time he finished and Anthony was concerned, but Loki brushed that away. Anthony was the one in danger, not him. Loki didn’t let the strenuous connection drop until he felt his soulmate’s relief. Anthony would be alright now.

Odin didn’t notice the event, due to Thor mentioning that Loki had gone away for a time in search of some book. Loki was in his brother’s debt once more. He made sure Thor was shown to be competent in front of Odin and all of Asgard. Anthony was alive somewhere and if Thor ruled they could safely be together. 

Loki couldn’t let Odin harm his soulmate again. He knew that Thor would never say a word if he was the only one who knew of his new words. Fandral would follow his lead, Hogun and Volstagg would as well, but Sif was a different story. While the warriors three followed Thor, already seeing him as their king, but Sif was more independent. Thor had asked that none of the party mention Loki’s words, but Odin knew by the end of the week.

Loki didn’t speak to Sif again whenever possible again. He tried to avoid Odin and supported his brother as best he could. Then everything went to hell right when everything was going right for Loki. Thor was finally going to be crowned. Loki didn’t have to fear for his soulmate with Thor as king, protecting them. The frost giants breaking in was the worst thing that could have happened to Loki. Then Thor snapped and went off doing something stupid.

Loki was apparently a frost giant, which explained so much about Odin’s treatment of him. Thor was banished and Loki was alone now. 

Sif blamed him for the frost giants. Sure, because that would benefit him so much. It wasn’t like that had led to the opposite of his hard worked for goal. While it was something that he might have done in the past, Loki had no interest in messing with Thor’s day. Yet he was blamed once again.

Then when he went to the vaults and confirmed everything Odin had to collapse. Fantastic, now Loki had to be king. He did not want to be king, at all. Loki wanted to run away and hide in Anthony’s arms. He wanted his selfish, reckless brother back.

Loki decided that maybe this was an opportunity to prove that he wasn’t useless. Maybe if he did something truly over the top then Odin would let him have that one have the one thing he really wanted. Asgard would over look that one small flaw that Loki still didn’t understand. Maybe he could earn the right to a bit of happiness.

So he decided to destroy all of Jotunheim. That was huge, over the top and he’d probably kill an entire species. His own species. He didn’t care at that point. He was desperate at this point. He’d do anything.  
The warriors three left with Sif and he took that opportunity to put his plan in action. He let the frost giants in and sent the sentinel to keep Thor on Midgard. He didn’t want to hurt his brother, but he needed him out of the way for a moment. He needed to not be in the shadows for just a day. 

Everything was going so well too. Heimdall had been stopped temporarily. Loki may not like him too much, mainly because Heimdall had never said anything when Loki was falsely accused, but he didn’t want to hurt the gatekeeper.

So he just immobilized him and left him there in case everything went out of control. Loki didn’t think that Heimdall would break out as fast as he did though.

That was the biggest problem in his plan. Heimdall broke free and Thor was back. Loki had made sure he wasn’t harmed, but his brother being back right when he was winning was a problem. Laufey was dead and Loki was nearly done. He only had to destroy his original home planet. Easy.

Then Thor tried to stop him just when Loki had set everything up. As always Loki lost to his brother. Loki would later blame it on his panic and desperation at the time. He wasn’t exactly in his right mind at the time.

Loki was hanging off the edge of the broken Bifrost and Thor was desperately begging him to come back. Loki thought about it. He was going to grab his brother’s hand that wasn’t holding him up when he looked up at Odin.

“No Loki.”

And Loki let go. He heard his brother scream and regretted it for a moment.

Loki thought of his soulmate, of Anthony. He thought that maybe if he was never in his life Anthony could be happy. Odin would have no reason to have him killed if Loki wasn’t in his life.  
Loki hoped that Anthony could be happy. He hoped that Thor could too.

The two people that ever seemed to care for him had his loyalty. He’d save them from himself.

-

Loki stumbled into Midgard with a flare he never would have normally had. Loki looked on from the back of his own mind in disgust and pain as he killed the mortals in his way.  
He silently cried when he saw all the death, when he stole mortal’s minds like his own had been taken. He hated it.

He hurt and killed and then a group of mortals stopped him. They were the comrades of his archer. He let himself be caught by the man in a metal armor. 

Loki felt that there was something very familiar about the man. His magic reached out, only to be pushed down. Loki fought back for a moment before he was shoved deep down. By the time he could claw his way to the back of his mind he was in a glass cage.

Loki watched sadly as Thanos’ stupid plan continued on. Loki knew it would fail, the titan underestimated the mortals.

Loki escaped, but lost his hawk.

Loki was glad, the being controlling him was far from pleased.

Loki went to the Stark tower, laughing at Thanos’ poor choice. He watched as the man of iron landed and as the suit was slowly pulled off. Loki screamed in the back of his head.

His Anthony, so close yet too far away. He clawed and desperately fought back, pushed back over and over. Loki screamed as he was drowned in his own mind. The last thing he saw was himself throwing his love out a window. His mortal love. Loki despaired and broke in the dark alone. He had killed the person he loved the most in the world. Loki had thrown away his second chance and he defiantly didn’t want to be alive anymore.

Loki let whatever happen go on. He didn’t fight and only really realized what was going on when he was suddenly in agony. Loki realized that he had been slammed into the floor hard enough to make a crater. He let out a slight whimper as the pain made itself fully known.

It took Loki some time to crawl out of the hole he curled up on the steps in the room and let his feelings rush through him.

Fear swept through him.

Confusion at how he had ended up here grew.

Desperation as he thought of his now mortal love. His lost soulmate.

Coldness set in as Loki realized that he was alone. No one would believe he’d been controlled and he would likely be executed by his family for something he fought to stop. 

Save me, Loki begged to his lost soulmate.

Then…

He felt feelings. Anthony’s feelings of confusion and slight comfort.

Tears welled in his eyes as Loki realized that Anthony was alive. He hadn’t killed his soulmate!

Then his brother and his friends were there, staring down at him in fury.

Loki gulped in fear before he saw his Anthony.

“It’s been so long, but I finally found you again, my Anthony.” He whispered with tears running down his face.

Anthony didn’t even hesitate to say the new, familiar words across Loki’s heart.

“It’s been awhile, my prince.”

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, this isn't my focus story so the updates are going to be random. Hope you like it anyway, let me know what you think if you have the time:)


End file.
